Ex Nihilo
by jazzpha
Summary: Ulquiorra claims he feels nothing. Orihime calls his bluff. Ulquihime; birthday fic for Masayume85. One-shot.


**Quick Disclaimer: **There are some moments in this story that diverge from canon. I hope these don't bother you all.

* * *

**Ex Nihilo**

* * *

It had only taken a few days for her brief flare of defiance to sputter and die out, after which the woman had become oddly taciturn. Her silence had bothered Ulquiorra at first, who had taken it as a sign of sudden, sharp and possibly dangerous mental decline.

But her sudden willingness to talk again unexpectedly caught Ulquiorra even more by surprise; he'd never met anyone as mercurial as Aizen's new captive. And, of course, with the talking came questions. And with the questions came some answers that Ulquiorra would never give, and others that he simply didn't know and didn't care to learn.

But if having the woman talk his ears off was the price that he would have to pay to keep her eating, healthy and alive, then Ulquiorra would pay it gladly.

"Are you really telling me that you've never had a friend in your entire life?" she asked him now, pointlessly reiterating the answer he'd already given her in the form of another question. She was very fond of doing that.

"Yes."

A bite of chicken brought a few moments of merciful silence with it, but they only lasted so long.

"That sounds terrible. How do you stand it?"

Ulquiorra held back the reflexive reprimand even as it rested on the tip of his tongue, realizing that if he gave her a legitimate answer there was a chance, however slim, that she might stop asking questions.

"How do I stand not having any friends?" he said, wondering if the woman would understand how annoying her method of questioning was when it got thrown back in her face.

But all Ulquiorra got in return was an insistent nod and a pair of focus, slate-gray eyes staring him down. Sighing to himself, the Arrancar continued.

"Easily," he answered. "Hollows are predatory creatures. We hunt, kill and consume each other to survive. It is a solitary existence, and one that does not allow for the 'friendship' you humans care about so much."

"But the Espada are a group of Hollows," the woman countered adamantly, refusing to just cede the point and end this ridiculous discussion, "and you're not all trying to kill each other, right? Aren't you friends with some of them? Maybe with Starrk-san; he seems like he could be ni—"

"No," Ulquiorra cut her off icily, his green eyes narrowing just enough for his mood to be apparent. "We are not friends with each other. Many of us tried to kill one another in the past, before we were brought under Aizen's leadership. Grimmjow still tries to fight me on a regular basis, even though he could never win."

The woman paused to consider this, the insistence in her eyes shifting, slowly but surely, into confusion and sadness.

"But… why?" she asked, and Ulquiorra felt a minuscule twinge of pity for someone who was clearly incapable of understanding such a basic, obvious truth. "Why would he try to fight you, when you could just be friends?"

"Do you think the Espada earn their ranks solely because of how much Aizen favors them?" the Arrancar replied, his tone penetrating. "They earn them by proving that they are stronger than someone who holds a higher rank, woman. And there is only one way to do that. The Shinigami you seem to hope will come rescue you have a similar custom, as well. It is in an animal's nature to fight, and that is what all Hollows are."

The woman fell silent at that, returning to eating her chicken. Ulquiorra could see the slow, measured contractions in her jaw muscles as she chewed, no doubt thinking very hard about what she'd been told.

"I don't think you're an animal," the woman said at last, picking at the scant remains of chicken that clung to the bone on her plate with her fork. "You're wrong."

"What?"

"An animal is happy at least some of the time," the woman continued, her eyes now almost as piercing as the Arrancar's. "Even the stray dog on my street back home is happy when the sun is out, and he always looks thin and hungry. Only someone who feels emotions—_real_ emotions—could ever be as sad as you are all the time."

Ulquiorra weathered the accusation in stony silence, only speaking when he was sure the woman had nothing else to add.

"You think I'm sad?" the Arrancar asked, raising an eyebrow. He received a nod in return; her eyes still burned with conviction. "How naïve of you," Ulquiorra continued, "trying to humanize me. Sadness is the opposite of happiness; in order for me to feel one, I would have to feel its complement. I feel neither, woman."

She was quiet at that, and the Arrancar allowed himself a moment of satisfaction. When her mouth curved up into the smallest of smirks, however, Ulquiorra's sense of accomplishment faltered.

"If you don't feel anything," the woman replied, her eyes shifting downward from his face, "then why are you so angry?"

Ulquiorra opened his mouth to retort, but the words froze in his throat when he realized that both of his hands were clenched into tight fists.

Forcing them apart with a long, measured breath, he turned and left the room without another word.

* * *

Orihime had known for some time now that Ichigo and her friends had come into Hueco Mundo to try and rescue her from captivity, but for some reason it hadn't really felt real for her until Ulquiorra walked into her room and announced that they were all going to die.

"I know you're hoping for them to save you," the Arrancar said levelly, staring at her with those unblinking green eyes that always seemed to be hiding something from her, just out of reach. "But that is foolish. You know how strong Aizen is. Kurosaki cannot defeat him. He will die, along with the rest of them."

"I disagree," Orihime said, holding Ulquiorra's gaze. He didn't scare her now, like he once had; she'd come to see him with a certain amount of fascination, like a puzzle that she couldn't quite solve. She wondered, sometimes, what his reaction would be if she ever told him that. He obviously thought she was a deluded child, dreaming of freedom that could never be hers.

Once, he would have been right. But Orihime had chosen to put her trust in her friends a long time ago. Since she knew she couldn't escape from underneath Aizen's thumb on her own, Orihime had instead begun studying her captors, looking for any signs of discontent they might have had with Aizen.

And without fail, she always found Ulquiorra the most interesting case. It was obvious that he had feelings, and it was equally obvious how hard he worked to lock them away within himself. In the few cases that he had let anything through, they were so fleeting that they might have been missed if she hadn't been watching for them.

She'd learned not to blink around Ulquiorra.

"Why did you protect me?"

The sudden change of conversation caused the exact effect Orihime had expected: a raised eyebrow, a slight narrowing of his eyes. She couldn't tell if it was out of interest or irritation, but any reaction was a step in the right direction.

"What?"

"When Loly and Menoly broke in here, and attacked me," Orihime clarified. "Why did you protect me?"

Ulquiorra's expression slid back into blankness, but Orihime saw his throat twitch as he bit back a sigh.

"I did it because my duty is to keep you alive," he answered flatly. "Don't ascribe any sentiment to it."

An opening.

"I didn't," she said, being sure to put just the faintest edge of smugness on her typically guileless tone. "Would it have bothered you if I had?"

"The fact that you asked the question at all implied you had doubts about my motives," Ulquiorra countered, his voice betraying just the slightest edge of frustration. "And that doubt implied you were expecting an answer opposite to what you knew to be the truth. I don't have time for your games, woman."

Now it was Orihime's turn to bite back a sigh of her own.

"I have a name, Ulquiorra," she said, glaring at him with no small amount of annoyance. "It wouldn't kill you to say it, you know."

Even unblinking as she was, Orihime still couldn't be sure if she saw a smirk ghost over Ulquiorra's face just then.

"I know," he said, and there was no mistaking the slight brightness that lingered in his eyes, their green hue flaring ever-so-slightly for a heartbeat before dimming again.

He was teasing her. The Arrancar that Orihime had assumed to be utterly incapable of any sort of humor was clearly enjoying annoying her, even though he'd never say it out loud.

She wasn't sure whether to laugh or to smack him. Again.

Unfortunately, she didn't have the chance to do either one.

A burst of uncontrolled, raw and unmistakable _reiatsu_ ripped through the air around them, and the moment was shattered.

"He defeated Grimmjow, then," Ulquiorra mused quietly, slipping seamlessly back into his Espada persona. "Interesting."

He turned and walked back out through the door. Feeling her gut begin to knot as she realized what was about to happen, Orihime ran after him.

"Ulquiorra," she called out as she went, "stop."

"No."

"You can't do this!"

"Do what?" he shot back. "Kill Kurosaki? Don't be ridiculous."

Orihime felt rage spike through her at Ulquiorra's dismissive words, an anger stronger than any she had felt in a long, long time. She grabbed the Arrancar by his shoulders and shoved him against the wall of the hallway, pinning him there. Orihime saw plain shock in his eyes for the first time since they'd met, and allowed herself a moment to relish the expression.

"I'm not going to let you fight him," she declared, her voice seething. "You'll have to force me to let go. And that would be against Aizen's orders, wouldn't it?"

"So would letting Kurosaki walk out of here with you," Ulquiorra answered calmly, "and there are ways I could break out of this hold of yours without causing you any permanent harm." The Arrancar paused, staring intently at the eyes of the woman who was trying her hardest to restrain him.

"I wonder," he said at last, "which of us it is you're afraid will get hurt."

It was the last thing Orihime had expected to hear, and her grip slackened under the shock of her surprise.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly at last, and Ulquiorra smiled.

"You've changed," the Arrancar said knowingly, "in your time here. It isn't Kurosaki you're worried about."

"That's not true!" Orihime insisted, her voice rising again. "I'm worried about him, too!"

Silence hung between them in the wake of Orihime's unwitting admission, and she could see the embarrassment on her face in the reflection that stared back at her from inside Ulquiorra's eyes. The Arrancar's smile widened.

"I thought so," he said, and there was no missing the satisfaction in his voice. He pushed forward with his shoulders, just hard enough to break Orihime's hold on him. The sudden movement made her freeze up, and when he reached out with his hand she was paralyzed even further by the sudden fear that he was going to knock her out and leave her behind so that he could go fight Ichigo by hi—

Orihime's frantic train of thought was cut off abruptly by the sensation of something soft and warm pressing against her lips. It took her another few heartbeats to realize that she was being kissed.

By Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra was kissing her.

She didn't know what surprised her more: that she was being kissed by someone who had told her multiple times that he felt no emotions at all, or that it felt good.

Really good.

It felt like it had been half a lifetime since she'd experienced this kind of warmth— and to experience it again so suddenly, _here_ of all places— only deepened Orihime's realization of how much she'd missed it. She let herself sink into the kiss as Ulquiorra's hand slipped around to the point in between her shoulder blades, pulling her closer against him. It lingered for a few more moments, until the pair broke apart to catch their breath.

"Please," Orihime whispered, "don't go."

Ulquiorra held his silence. A heartbeat later he vanished with a buzz of _sonido_.

He was gone.

* * *

Ulquiorra had never known true pain until this moment. It hurt, in a way he found almost repulsive, that the woman had chosen Kurosaki over him. But that was the choice he knew she would make, in the end, and so it stung less.

But his emotional pain was nowhere near as intense as the physical pain that had resulted from having his body ripped apart by the mindless demon that had once been Ichigo Kurosaki.

"What do you mean, you want us to go ahead without you?" the Quincy's voice floated hazily on the edge of Ulquiorra's hearing. "Why?"

"Because this is all my fault, Ishida," the woman answered, her voice thick with emotion. "It's my fault Ichigo did this… it's my fault Ulquiorra's dying right now."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," the Quincy said scathingly, and Ulquiorra would have laughed if he'd had both of his lungs.

"I just… I just don't want him to die alone," the woman persisted, now sounding on the edge of tears. "Please."

"C'mon, Ishida," Ichigo said insistently, "let's go. I'm sure Orihime'll be fine."

Ulquiorra could faintly hear the sound of the two boys departing, and was feeling an odd lightness in his head by the time the woman came over to kneel by his side.

"I'm so sorry," she said, the pain in her voice mirrored plainly in her teary eyes. "I didn't want any of this to happen, I told you…"

"I know," Ulquiorra said softly, feeling the strength leaving his voice. "I know, Orihime."

She laughed, her eyes brightening for a moment through the tears that continued to fall.

"You start calling me by my name _now_?" she said, her voice bittersweet as she shook her head. "Of course you do."

Ulquiorra closed his eyes, exhaling with a sigh. A few moments passed, and the Arrancar idly wondered if dying shouldn't feel a little more uncomfortable. He felt warmth spreading through him, enveloping him comfortingly and easing away all of the considerable pain he'd been suffering just a short time ago.

After a few more moments passed and Ulquiorra was still aware of the world around him, he decided to try opening his eyes again.

It was then that he saw he wasn't dying at all: in fact, the exact opposite was happening. He was surrounded by a dome that was glowing with bright light—the same kind of dome he had seen regenerate Grimmjow's obliterated arm, only this one was large enough to cover his whole body.

Orihime was healing him.

"Don't say anything," she cut him off as he opened his mouth, her face scrunched in focus. "I need to concentrate on this."

Ulquiorra followed her suggestion, sighing and letting his eyes slip closed again. When he felt the warm glow disappear from around him, he looked up at Orihime again and sighed.

"Why did you do that?" he asked wearily, only to be met with an incredulous stare.

"What? Because you would have died. That's a silly question."

Ulquiorra bit back his frustration at Orihime's inability to see the bigger picture, trying to at least give her some measure of courtesy in return for what she'd done.

"Where am I supposed to go now?" the Arrancar said, looking up at the perpetually crescent moon that hung in the cloudless sky. "I was defeated by a human; I failed in my purpose as a soldier. Aizen won't simply let me walk away from that."

"No," Orihime agreed, "he wouldn't. But I don't think Aizen's going to win this war, Ulquiorra. You won't have to be his soldier anymore. You could be… something else."

Ulquiorra forced himself to his feet, and Orihime rose alongside him.

"You really think Kurosaki will be able to defeat Aizen," he asked softly, "don't you?"

"I do," she answered with a nod, her earlier conviction back in her eyes. "He's always been stubborn, ever since we were kids. I know he'll win."

Silence settled in between them again, and Ulquiorra found himself watching Orihime's expression as she looked out at the horizon. He saw then the strength that he'd refused to let himself acknowledge before, the stubborn optimism that seemed unique to humans, born out of their constant struggling.

When had he ever felt that, even throughout all his years of fighting and strife out on the white-sand plains of Hueco Mundo? The closest he had ever come to feeling anything like that was listening to Aizen describe his plans for the world following his conquest, and praising the power of the Espada, his chosen warriors.

It was then that Ulquiorra realized he couldn't feel Nnoitra's _reiatsu_, nor Zommari's, nor Arroneiro's; Grimmjow's was the faintest of pulses on the very edge of perception. He would not last long.

The weight of their deaths, something that had once seemed an impossibility, laid heavy over Ulquiorra's shoulders.

"Why are you humans so determined to form bonds with each other," he asked at last, drawing Orihime's eyes over to face him, "when, in the end, all you feel is loss, and loneliness?"

Orihime smiled at him then, and it was as pure a smile as Ulquiorra had ever seen.

"Because of everything else," she answered. "Every day before the end is a day something great can happen, and spending those days with other people just makes them even better. It's a lot better than being alone your whole life, at least."

Ulquiorra let out a short laugh, shaking his head.

"You humans," he said, "really are interesting, after all."

"Ulquiorra."

He turned at the sound of his name and the pressure of a hand on his shoulder, only to be met with the warmth of a kiss. He let himself relax, flexing his wings around the woman who had brought him back from the brink of death. When Orihime drew back to take a breath, she noticed the lack of light around them and her eyes widened.

"Do they frighten you?" Ulquiorra asked quietly, but she shook her head a moment later.

"No," she said, "they don't. It feels… safe."

They let the moment linger in silence a little longer, until Orihime spoke again.

"I know somewhere you could go," she whispered, her head resting in the crook of Ulquiorra's shoulder. "In Karakura Town, there're some people who're like you. Half Hollow, half Shinigami. You could stay with them, if you wanted."

The Arrancar said nothing for a moment, considering the proposal.

"And you think they would take me in?" he asked at last. "I doubt they'd be a friend of anyone with ties to Aizen."

Orihime pulled her head back and smiled, and Ulquiorra didn't miss the mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"But you don't have ties to Aizen any more," she said. "And I'm a friend. I'm sure we can work something out. Just… trust me, all right?"

Ulquiorra nodded.

* * *

Orihime walked towards the warehouse with a spring in her step, smiling as she felt the sun shining down from the clear blue sky. There was no barrier around the building as she approached, and the big steel door began raising upwards before she'd even knocked.

"Hey, Lisa," she said happily as she saw two of the Vizards standing there to greet her. "Hey, Hiyori."

"Yo," Lisa said flatly. "Long time, no see."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Orihime replied, abashed. "University's been crazy."

"Whatever," Lisa said, before turning and walking away. "Good to see you, Orihime."

Orihime raised one of her eyebrows in puzzlement, looking down at Hiyori.

"What's wrong with her?" she asked, and the other Vizard just shrugged.

"Probably gotta do with Shunsui not asking her back to be his Lieutenant yet," Hiyori answered, before looking back over her shoulder. "Hey, Ulquiorra!" she shouted. "Your girlfriend's here! Get off your lazy ass and come say hello!"

A strained groan emanated from somewhere deep within the warehouse. It took a minute for Ulquiorra's form to become visible, shuffling towards the women with slow, labored steps. He was wearing a _gigai_ that hid his mask, along with a loose black shirt and a pair of dark jeans. His eyes had circles underneath them, and his face looked unusually haggard.

"What happened to you?" Orihime asked, and the Arrancar just shrugged.

"Remind me," he said, sounding as miserable as he looked, "that there's a reason I don't drink."

Hiyori grimaced, looking surprisingly apologetic.

"It won't happen again," she said, before looking over at Orihime. "Love and I didn't know he was a featherweight. Take good care of him, all right? I don't want him holding a grudge."

"I will," Orihime replied. "Nice to see you, Hiyori."

"You too, kid," The Vizard said, before walking away and leaving her alone with Ulquiorra.

"Well," Orihime said happily, "how about we go for a walk?"

"The sun's too bright."

"It'll be good for you!"

"I disagree."

"And I don't care. Come on!"

They'd walked in a companionable silence for a few minutes when Ulquiorra finally spoke, sounding at least a bit more lively than he had back at the warehouse.

"It's good to see you again," he said. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Orihime replied, taking one of his hands in her own. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to come by more often."

Ulquiorra just shrugged.

"Don't apologize," he told her. "You have other responsibilities; you should look after them."

Orihime frowned; she'd known the Arrancar far too long now to miss the undercurrent of sadness in his voice.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes narrowing when Ulquiorra opened his mouth to say what she knew would be a denial. "Don't even try," she cut him off. "Something's bothering you. Tell me."

He was silent for a few long moments. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy for a completely different reason than his lack of sleep.

"We can't keep doing this," he said gloomily, letting his hand fall from Orihime's as he stopped walking to look over at her. "It's not fair to you."

"What?" Orihime breathed, surprised by the words. "What are you talking about?"

"You're spending so much of your time with me," Ulquiorra said, "and it's not what you should be doing. I'm not getting any older, Orihime…" he trailed off, looking at her melancholically, "and you aren't getting any younger."

Ulquiorra saw the look in her eyes and steeled himself; he knew when she was about to be unreasonably stubborn about something, even when it wasn't sensible. She was very good at that.

"That's ridiculous," Orihime countered at last, staring him down. "I appreciate you being worried about me, Ulquiorra," she continued, her tone softening as she reached up to put a hand on his cheek. He didn't flinch away, as much as he tried to. "Really, I do. But this was my choice, too, and I knew what I was doing when I made it. I can live with it just fine, thank you very much."

The Arrancar thought about arguing the point, but in the end he couldn't do anything more than sigh. Orihime had clearly made up her mind, and Ulquiorra knew what that meant.

"Are you sure," he said slowly, "that you won't regret it?"

"Are you sure," she answered with a smile, "that you'll still want to be with me when I'm old and wrinkly?"

Ulquiorra chuckled, ignoring how much it hurt.

"Of course."

"Then I have nothing to worry about," Orihime said, before she leaned over and kissed him. Ulquiorra returned it, trying to ignore the knot in his gut as he did so.

It was still there a few hours later, when he was laying awake in bed beside her, staring up at the ceiling. He shifted his gaze to the window near the bed, and wondered how she would feel if he flew out of it and fled back to Hueco Mundo. If he left her free to live a normal life, with someone who could give her a real family and grow old beside her.

And then she shifted in her sleep and put one of her arms across his bare chest, pulling herself closer to him and pressing against his side. Her warmth was achingly comfortable, and it drove all thoughts of escape from Ulquiorra's mind.

He couldn't leave her, he realized, when he knew just what he'd be leaving behind.

But he would never regret learning what that was, either.

He put his arm around Orihime's shoulders and fell back to sleep.

* * *

Orihime sat on the park bench, enjoying the cool feeling of the pre-dawn air blowing all around her. It was wonderfully relaxing to take walks in the early morning, when the streets were calm and empty, but even that paled in comparison to the joy of watching the sunrise. Seeing the clouds turning rosy and red a little at a time was a sight that would never get old, no matter how old she got. She smiled at the sound of grass bending underfoot nearby.

"Is there room for me?"

"Always."

He sat down, and Orihime scoffed at seeing him in just a tee-shirt. Shifting around slightly, she took off her jacket and offered it to him. He looked over at her with those bright green eyes, frowning.

"I don't get cold."

"Humor me," she pressed, and he put on the jacket with just the smallest of sighs.

"Oh, stop it," Orihime admonished him playfully, her eyes smiling at him so brightly that he almost forgot how lined with wrinkles her cheeks had become. "Consider it your birthday present to me, then, if that makes you feel better."

Ulquiorra chuckled, sliding closer to Orihime and taking one of her hands in his. She squeezed back, and the Arrancar took some heart from how strong her grip remained.

"You haven't aged a day," she said wistfully, and Ulquiorra smiled.

"Neither have you," he said, drawing a laugh out of Orihime.

"Did Kyoraku give you that line?"

"No," the Arrancar answered, sounding mildly offended. "I have standards."

Orihime chuckled.

"You do," she allowed, before a question occurred to her. "How's Grimmjow doing?" she asked. "I haven't seen him in ages."

"That's because Soi Fon's working him like a dog," Ulquiorra answered, smiling. "I think he enjoys it, though. I've never been able to figure him out."

"You're not alone in that," Orihime answered with a laugh, before sighing. Ulquiorra looked over at her, his eyes concerned.

"Are you all right?" he asked, and she nodded.

"I'll be fine," Orihime answered. "I'm glad Byakuya gives you leave to come down here from time to time, Ulquiorra."

The Arrancar was silent for a moment, watching the nascent sun spread its color through the clouds.

"So am I." Looking over at Orihime, Ulquiorra took a short breath before he continued. "Do you still not regret this?" he asked, trying to keep his worry from his voice. He could tell he'd only been partly successful from the reproachful look Orihime gave him in return.

"Of course not," she answered. "Life's too short for regrets. Why? Do you?"

Ulquiorra shook his head, smiling.

"Not at all," he said, reaching over and brushing a lock of silver hair back behind Orihime's ear. He turned back to face the horizon, and the two of them watched the sun rise in content silence.

* * *

…

…

**A/N: **So, there we have it. Masayume85 was lamenting the lack of Ulquihime stories out there that don't involve rape, so I hope this one passes muster. Enormous thanks to **JasoTheArtisan** for being a beta among betas, and helping to make this story much better than it would otherwise have been.

This story is, in a way, a bit of a riff on one of the scenes in "Anonymous", the second part of Jaso's incredible Bleach trilogy. You should go read it; it's amazing. Start with "_So_", then read "_Anonymous_", and finally "_Heroes_". You won't regret it!

**- Jazz**


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